You are not my friend, mamma.

Last night Raaya told me, "you are not my friend." Before you feel sorry for me, I should tell you she only had her best intentions.

More often than not, I try to talk to Raaya about how she doesn't have to be scared of me ever. She shouldn't ever worry about making me cross. I usually find this opportunity during bedtime right after we have read our story book. I cuddle her up, and tell her that I love her so much and she can talk to be about anything. I know she is only three and doesn't have a filter right now but I want it to really root in her that mamma is here no matter what. This is potentially the only reason I refuse to ever shout at her no matter what. Because I do not want her to be scared of me.

So last night as usual, post story, I started, "I love you so much Raaya. You know that you don't ever have to be afraid of mamma. I will never be cross. You know mamma never shouts even if sometimes you are naughty. That's because I love you so much." And then I said,"Mamma is your friend." Now I am not really sure why I said it. I'd like to believe I just said it in the flow without really meaning it because I don't think I like to term mothers as friends. I am a mom, I think a fairly decent mom who knows what she is doing. But not a friend. I don't have to be her friend for her to believe that she can talk to me. It is a whole other relationship - friendship.

Anyways, Raaya clearly had objections with the statement. "You are not my friend mamma. Stella is", she said. "Am I not", I asked with a sad voice. "Then who am I?"

"You just love me and stay with me, and love me so much. You are not my friend. You are my mamma."